Is Your Child Developing the Right Skills

At first glance, this might seem like the itinerary of a CEO running a multi-national corporation. But it is in fact the daily routine of 9-year-old Adya. Her parents have carved out her routine and she is quite set in her ways. How do we know this? When asked if she is learning the right skills, her parents listed her schedule and explained how she is learning “much more” than average children at this age. But does an overbooked learning schedule really help children imbibe the right skills or does it lead to an early burnout?

We set out to understand what parents feel about the necessary skills that children need today and discovered that most parents spoke of academic performance, extracurricular activities and hobbies as skills. They were happy that their child manages to do so much. Given that competition today is harder than ever before, kids are encouraged to excel at school, sports, activities but when it comes to learning the right life skills, it seemed like most parents assumed that by upping the child’s workload, the right life skills would build along the way.

More than discipline and the ability to take on excessive load, children today need a heightened set of social and emotional skills to get through life. This goes far beyond classroom learning and activities. These skills help the child in bringing drive and productivity to anything he/she does. When asked how much time they spend in teaching their child such skills, most parents said that their children were naturally driven or that they relied on schools to instill them. “He is an extremely disciplined boy and we hardly have to look into his daily activities. He has his goals set and maintains a time table more diligently than us!”, said 15-year-old Aryan’s father. While this seems like the best-case scenario for parents, it still does not guarantee a successful future for the child.

What is becoming more in demand, however, is the presence of interpersonal skills. Children must learn to collaborate, interact, exhibit empathy and behave ethically. Good interpersonal skills are indicators of success in general. These skills help children evolve into smart, present, dynamic and likeable individuals who do well because of their innate nature and not because of subject matter they have learnt or knowledge of specific career skills. These skills are in fact independent of careers and ensure success in any area the child enters

Opportunities today are limitless. We live in a time when a child has the chance to go head to head with other children anywhere in the world. Be it competing for the best global education, career opportunity or anything else. This is where effective communication and decision-making skills come into play. A child’s mind wants to explore and experience things. It is a developing mind. Sometimes we have to take a step back and encourage them to experience things. We have to let them know that we trust them and their judgement. They need to be outgoing and not scared of asking or approaching others.

The Right Skills for Your Child

We have seen the most brilliant classroom minds lacking social skills completely and found backbenchers who are often reprimanded for their lack of interest in class to be absolutely delightful conversationalists. While one child cannot exhibit every desirable quality, he/she can certainly be equipped with the right life skills to ensure success. The lack of these basic life skills tends to remain a shortcoming all through our adulthood, jobs, marriage and other aspects of our lives. So, what exactly are the necessary life skills to teach your children?

Ms. Mythili Krishnan, a former school counsellor and educator, tells us that skill building has to start with the basics. “You would be surprised at how many parents neglect their child’s basic hygiene habits. The first thing children should learn is to take care of themselves. As parents seem to have lesser time to devote to their children on a regular basis, this becomes more of a challenge each day. As a result, they rely on schools to teach their child everything. While school systems are becoming more holistic, the responsibility of teaching the child basic hygiene lies majorly with the parents. “

As a teacher, she has seen most parents extremely satisfied with a child’s good grades. They share the opinion that nothing more is required as long as the child does well academically. Even upon emphasizing on concerns such as undesirable social behavior, reclusiveness, etc. they seemed indifferent towards such things if the child’s grades were good.”

According to Ms. Krishnan, the purpose of parent teacher meetings, is to discuss the child’s overall development and not just grades. But most questions of parents have always been centered around academic performance. “If the only thing that mattered were grades, a report card would suffice. It would tell you how the child is performing in every subject. There would be no need of these meetings.”, she said.

She went on to list other life skills that parents and schools must focus on like ethics, analytical skills, decision-making, collaboration, negotiation, financial well-being, global adaptation, environmental awareness, problem solving, creativity and digital inquisitiveness (more relevant for children today). These are skills that ensure success irrespective of which subject, career path or life choices a person makes. Needless to say, enabling your child with these skills will help them get ahead much more than bookish knowledge.

Analytical skills help children in assessing situations and problems from different angles. They open minds and enable them to find different ways of looking at a scenario. Collaboration helps them work with peers and turns them into better team players. Without this skill, they can grow up to be individuals who are good at working in their silos but do not get along with anyone else they have to work with. This can cause hinderance in their success because of the negative impression they would leave on others.

Problem-solving is another skill that can only be learnt from practical experiences and not textbooks. No amount of literature can prepare you for all the obstacles and situations you would face in life. Therefore, the more a child learns to find solutions to real life problems, the more he/she would be valued.

“Children who have mastered the art of problem-solving by the age of 10, 12 or even 15 years will never be outskilled, and, thus, never be replaced by a smart machine when they’re a part of the workforce.” says Priyadeep Sinha, Founder, Kidovators & Future of Learning Unconference.

Digital inquisitiveness is a skill that has become more relevant in recent times with the advent of internet, technology and AI in all walks of life. Children are learning to operate gadgets much faster than anything else so a healthy balance of digital and offline learning needs to be maintained in schools and at home.

IQ vs. EQ

Sheldon Cooper, as most of you know, is one of the lead characters of the hit show Big Bang Theory. A man who goes on to win the Nobel prize but has trouble merely getting from one place to another on his own. He is a character who lacks every possible life skill but is an academic genius. As a result of which regular transactions become stressful obstacles for him every single day making life a lot harder to get through. The struggle is unimaginable. While his character might be an exaggeration, many psychologists cite his example to explain what happens when the EQ does not meet the IQ. A child’s emotional quotient is a result of his/her interpersonal and intrapersonal skills. If not developed, it can lead to unwanted struggles in various social scenarios that may not be as prominent as a child but as they grow, these problems persist and cause hinderances in all aspects of life. Therefore, no matter how academically sound a child might be, attention must be paid to the development of emotional and social capabilities. As transactional, statistical and data-based activities are being automated in most industries, the only tasks AI and machine learning cannot replicate are the ones that require a socially and emotionally skilled human being such as decision making, critical thinking and creative problem solving, to name a few.

How Can These Skills Be Built?

Giving children responsibilities and independence with room to make mistakes is a good approach to skill building. There are ways in which children can be taught or encouraged to experience different things and land in different scenarios. Overprotectiveness or obsessiveness will not prepare them for what they would face once they are on their own.

Schools are also continuously trying to incorporate analytical and critical thinking skills into their curriculum. For example, History, which is a subject of dates and facts is being taught in a discussion-based environment where the why and how of historic events are discussed to make it a critical thinking exercise. Encouraging classroom debates, discussions on the ‘Why’ of almost everything is becoming a trend in schools today which allows students to not only think more but also state their opinions confidently and articulate ideas clearly.

As the number of parents and educators who emphasize on these practical skills increases, a greater number of children will develop well-rounded personalities. To ensure every child has the right skills, an overall societal shift in the way we look at raising children is necessary.